“And when are you going to stop telling everyone to chase their dreams, while you watch yours from the sidelines?”
And if I could have hated him, in that instant I am sure I would have. For the first time I didn’t have an answer, my perfectly strong capable “always gives perfect advice” little world was about to be shattered.
It was like watching a snow globe fall from a toddler’s hand. I’m not sure what caused more anxiety in that first instant- the sentimental value she held that was to be destroyed or her precious little feet that could very well be cut by shattered glass. I wanted to pick her up, I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her not to cry about material things.
The future is one of those. A material thing that we all wish to obtain so quickly, that we want to bring to life. We want it now, we need it now, and it causes us so much anxiety and stress. But my beautiful little girl, it is only a material thing. All you need to be happy you have right in front of you. Each ribbon curl that is falling from your head, every little cloud you exhale in this cold, empty kitchen, and every harmony we create with our laughter. These are not things we have to wait for. I wanted to show her exactly what I mean, so I take her hand that is so many sizes smaller than mine and I hold it to my chest and listen to her whisper “its beating.” Life is so beyond us that sometimes I think we overlook the miracle that is we are alive.
The crash of the snow globe sends sparkling water washing over my bare feet as though I were standing on a beach in the month of march, so cold- but hopeful for May. But for right now, I will live in March.
And when he speaks to me again, my little girl looks up at me, waves a gentle goodbye and vanishes out the window above the sink. The sand beneath my feet is blown away from the draft of the empty kitchen, and the shattered glass melts through the floor boards like icicles.
My gasp is audible as he reaches out and touches my face, his fingertips so much warmer than my rosy chilled cheeks. I look up at him, his blue eyes just seem to repeat all the wonders of winter, right before he kisses me intently. I hug him around his neck and stand in second position, releve, so I might be able to meet him there.
When he pulls away from the warmest kiss of my life, I take his hand in mine and bring it to my collar bone, resting it on my chest. He looks at me patiently, lovingly. I whisper to him:
If you use Siri to go anywhere in Putnam, she calls it “Putnam District”. Guys! were part of the hunger games!!
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A SPIRIT GIFSET MY ENTIRE LIFE
I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND
This is one of the most underrated animated films of all time. After it came out and the hype died down, people just seem to have forgotten about it. I watched it again recently and was shocked at how good it really was.
"what do you want to do? What are you going to school for?"—alright guys. here’s the story.
I want to be a police officer…mkay?
And then I want to own my own dance studio. And then open my own therapeutic horse farm, and I want to be a dog groomer and own my own dog boutique, and breed Newfoundland hounds as therapy dogs. Im also going to be an author and sell lots of books on poetry, and stories of my crazy life.
Then I want to be a child’s counselor, and I want to open my own private school for kids! and be the principal there and hey, the dance teacher there since we totally offer it as an elective, oh, and did i mention the guidance counselor too?! Man I’m trained in a lot of things. and then I could bring in my therapeutic Newfoundland hounds, which will obviously look fabulous since im a groomer, and horses which will be trained in parelli to help all these kids in need while giving them an awesome education and keeping them in shape. ;D And lets be real, the kids that don’t have a home I’m just going to end up adopting until Andrei yells at me cause we don’t have any room in our house left. But who am i kidding? cause I’m going to have like 500 acres cause i own my own horse farm. duh?
Its a shame we only have 100 years to save the world. On your mark, get so go! ;D
We will sing “The Circle of life” completely wrong.
Heck we will sing along to every song!! Each and every one.
We will cry when Mufasa dies. Buckets and buckets of tears.
We will laugh at EVERY joke Timone and Pumba make/do.
In the end we will just clap and clap and clap and fall in love with the movie all over again!
Even if we are older then 16. :)
This girl… I love her.
I will not live the rest of my life not doing things that I love, because I am afraid someone is better than me, or that I am inadequate. I will let go of my fear.
I will not spend the rest of my life judging my body, because someone else is thinner, shorter, taller “prettier” than I am. I will love myself.
I will not spend the rest of my life living other people’s expectations for me. I will be confident in my own expectations, and I will live my dreams.
I will not spend the rest of my life apologizing for being sensitive. I will be compassionate and loving.
I will not spend the rest of my life giving up, because it easier than trying. I will work hard for everything, since everything worth anything is worth working hard.
I will not spend the rest of my life ignorant. I will never stop learning.
I will not spend the rest of my life closed minded. I will consider all options, and probably always take the road less traveled by.
I will not spend the rest of my life stressed about money. At the end of the day, it is a tree turned into a very filthy piece of paper. The most important things in life aren’t things.
I will not spend the rest of my life regretting my mistakes. They brought me to where I am, they build character and humility. I will be humble, and continue to make mistakes so I can continue to grow.
I will not spend the rest of my life stressed over things that do not matter. I will count my blessings, and know that my sorrows weigh less than my tears. I will let go.
I will not spend the rest of my life being negative. I think I can, so I will. The glass is always half full. “At least___” and there is always, always something to be thankful for.
I will not leave this earth ever saying “I wish I had.” I will try everything.
I will not allow myself to think about the past, and say “what if”. What if- I am exactly where I am meant to be.
I will never stop being grateful for my family, friends, and God. I will make and keep relationships, since that is why we are here anyways. I will not let myself believe the lie “I’m all alone”. I will be thankful, and love everyone.
I will not over-think everything. I will allow myself to go with the flow when I need to.
I will not take life too seriously. I will laugh at least once a day and surround myself with fun, happy people.
I will not believe that one person cannot change the world. The world starts with you.
I was at good will today, and this tiny little old lady looks at me and she hands me this leather jacket and goes
“try this on!!!!!”
Without really knowing how to respond to that, I put it on.
she examines me for a few minutes, then goes;
"good! It fits! my granddaughter is the same size as you, I wanted to be sure."
pulls the jacket off of me and hobbles away…
absolutely! You are so talented! <3
I walk slowly through the crowded field, that is occupied only one weekend every September.
My hands in my short pockets, a burgundy hoodie belonging to a boy; masking my curves, and flip flops whispering something about the perfect weather.
And the smells wafting through the air- inconceivable calories, fried everything, and a sickly sweet candy that makes you insatiably hungry and want to throw up at the top of Ferris wheel- all at the same time.
This moment, I’d trade for none.
And there he is, standing before me…there is something about the way his eyes light up…
But God I swear to you, that shade of blue, never looks better then beside the carnival lights.
And he lifts me up, and spins me around, better than any ride,
and I pray my feet will never again touch the ground,
the only boy who can ever make me shy.
and we race each other to the pirate ship ride, and fight over who pays for fried dough.
We push, and tease and test each other…but we will never ever let go.
Until I allowed myself to heal, I never believed that love was real.
But it starts truly from the inside out.
When I allowed myself to meet my soul,
She was strong and beautiful and always whole-
why, i didn’t need the mirror anymore.
And now he doesn’t have to convince me, and beg me to believe.
Cause this world will always win, if we allow them our eyes to deceive.
It can be simple, and perfect.
Love at its finest,
Cause in this very moment,
though we fight, and we own it,
I need no one else but You.
And I’m not so Afraid of losing you,
Cuz if you honestly think it’s what you want to do-
I’ll meet you on the other side of the moon,
Cuz I know that the tears will be here soon-
And I can’t let anyone know how much it’ll hurt ,
To feel my face embrace the dirt.
Of where your feet once touched the earth.
I really believed I was flying-
But I was just Falling in reverse-
Please tell me why baby-
That they all claim love doesn’t hurt.
And the faster I fall for you,
The more you tower above me-
And I’ll watch you
My spoken word poem, but some requested to see it just as a poem. so here it is :3 I’ve worked harder on this than anything I have ever written. Please reblog, comment or watch the video :) )
I need to feel your fingertips prowling over my still warm body, like rain on the roof of the house, in the Deep South, where the sun will kiss your skin a little too rough, but God-you wouldn’t stay inside another minute.
Breath me in…let me be those chemicals you never tried, that high you were always denied, those moments of frustration that you locked deep inside, I can take you there in an instant.
This symphonic and voracious desire- as we are consumed by such power-as we taste each other’s talents, while we’re slipping off balance, quenching our ravenous thirst.
And as that summer rain turns into a tropical storm, the first flash of bright light since the time we were born, as our breath rapidly heats the room, expanding the air with a sonic boom-
as we create our own thunder…
Don’t tell me what power is. I’ve felt it.
And we make not a sound until this cumulonimbus cloud escapes from our mouths and this destructive vortex violently rips through the house, our clothes hitting the walls and the ground- we take shelter under the sheets.
And god if it were to hail, and all else were to fail-
I know we would still create our own heat, as you press your body tighter and tighter, I don’t need to breathe!!! I just need you against me.
Don’t balance on top of me- just let me feel your weight, make my stomach do flip flop as you whisper those secrets in my ear that I’ve been dying to hear, this paradise-
and only you can take me there.
Cause these concepts and ideas that were created so long ago, and were birthed in fear- these agonizing nights I just want to let go, it held me captive so long, and made noose out of my hair, that had been braided so neatly when kids still played fair…and I thought -to still live- would be excruciating.
But as my soul climbed out of my body, that was burned in the wildfires of hell, you dipped your fingers in my ashes, and we painted ourselves—- for war.
And I knew in that instant, I’ve never been more resilient and your incandescent eyes that taught me not to despise-my body, but rather flourish in it.
And as your fingers that never tire begin enveloping my hair, that no longer is strangled in braids, but flows freely, long curls-a curtain to my sun bitten skin. Your scintillating eyes that forever lock onto mine as we invest all we have in another.
Your warm, fleshy lips, straddle my neck with a kiss, inhaling that delectable scent-you tell me of an apple in October.
Skin on skin, the apple is bitten, and love is forbidden, but we’re drowning within, as the torrential downpour continues.
It is not a physical act but an outer body experience that entangles emotions and rewrites this devotion, this covenant that we’ve made to each other.
We don’t know when the sun will return again, but it’s all just the same, we embrace the rain, by always embracing each other. This contract we made, from the first time we engraved-our finger prints on each other.
And this visceral shock, this enchanting paroxysm: Silences the storm like a break in the clouds- the rainbow after the rain, the release of the pain- the frustrations erased, and our heart beats race- right out of the gates-
and then it was still…
With a gentle, cooling breeze, that could put out a fire, and calm furious seas-
He whispers… “I love you”
And what do I say that is strong enough, to evoke the expressions, emotions concepts?
“I love you too” I whisper, exhaling a little.
Because moments like this- I run out of words.
Because it is not in our words, but in our silence, that we are completely infinite, and non-fragile.
We lay there for hours, our bodies entwined like the roots in the earth that pump blood through the veins of our tree, that is growing ever taller- a leaf for every day we spend together and branches for every year.
And I no longer fear the rain, or an ounce of life’s pain, no longer am I wilting from the flower that was plucked at the root, dug up by the grave diggers and surely devoured.
I was always whole.
Because the love that we share has always been there and they could never take away our passion, our games that we play like schoolmates, meeting on the first day- instant best friends, as our bodies make their emends, and you erase the marks on my dress.
‘Cause those hoodies that always masked not my body but my pain, I was a slave to lies, that despite every disguise, the mud on my eyes, the bruises on my thighs- they are wrong!
I am still beautiful.
And if you know this battle cry, you too know the lie, it slips into your soul like a parasite and it infests and detests you- you are still beautiful. Those marks on your dress, they make you feel like a mess and never to be loved, or strong again you’re drowning in this bloody ocean, pick up the pen, write again- cause that dress isn’t your future.
And while I lay here in the dark, I can just count the stars, because I am not marked, but a on open canvas, where he creates the most beautiful art, as together we orbit each other. This gravitational pull from the stars and the sky as we let out a sigh, and sleep freely in the warmth of one another.
Cause all of a sudden this pain is erased, I’ve escaped my self-proclaimed fate, denounced my self-hate, gave birth to faith-and in his arms I am safe.
And like dusty book on a library shelf, he brushed off the cobwebs, opened me up and taught me to love myself.
And this may have been the hardest thing I’ve ever written, but his heart beats against mine like the purr of a kitten, and I could be silent no longer, cause the events that happened when we were younger, they don’t fault us, we are not determined by our blunders- we are free.
And if he hasn’t found you yet, close your eyes, breathe in life and exhale your regrets because you are Beautiful. They are all wrong. You shouldn’t stay inside another minute.
And you don’t need that dress to look your best, this life isn’t a test- it’s not pass or fail. And if you’re hearing me now, lift up your veil, and for all those times you felt frail know YOU HAVE PROVAILED. Cause it’s not the clothes, but it’s your body you wear, and deep through the pained skin, your soul is in there!
And it captivates, not what the world insinuates but the things that actually make us great- don’t buy the lies! Don’t wear this disguise that tears away our origins and gauges out our eyes- that envelops our minds and teaches us –never… to let go.
Cause this world would rather leave us blind.